An open letter to Marty Rathbun

I received the following letter with the request to publish it on this blog.

Dear Marty,

First I should say, no one asked me to write this letter. I’m writing it because it’s some things I’ve been thinking about, and I called someone and asked where I could publish it where they thought you would read it. Maybe you will.

I’m not signing my name to this, because I don’t really want a comm line with you while you are in the condition you are in to the group.

But I “knew you when”. And I just want to say, Marty, I don’t get it.

I knew you when you went to RTC. I remember how sharp you looked in your uniform. We had what I would call a good ARC line. There was one time when I was in trouble and I remember you stopping and asking me how I was doing. It meant something to me.

Then there were long stretches when I didn’t see you. I have been off staff for some years now. Doing well and on lines, but not on staff, and not in situations where I would have particularly run into you. But as I remember, the last time I did see you, more than ten years ago now, you seemed pretty keyed out.

The other day I was walking to course and saw a few losers out on the sidewalk, and I saw someone who looked like you. I don’t know if it was you. I don’t know if this group was even connected to you. I suspect they were because these guys that sit out on the sidewalk and heckle Scientologists as they are going to course mentioned your name.

Two days ago I heard that you were kind of frantically and weirdly running down L. Ron Hubbard Way in front of the PAC Base.

I saw you on a few TV shows. BBC maybe. 60 Minutes? You were wearing, I think, a sweatshirt with torn sleeves. And I know we all struggle with weight as we get older, but Marty, really, you’re looking a little pudgy. You looked unshaven. On international TV?

More than that, your space just looked dirty, Marty. Really dirty. Not the bright guy I used to know.
And I have to think, God, how does someone fall so hard?

I know that when you are “up there”, there’s something that comes with the post. The beingness of the post. The responsibility, and the respect. And the group. Even when there are hard knocks, there’s no group like the group of beings who have come together in the Sea Org. It buoys you as a being. I know, I was kind of up there myself once.

And then sometimes, you get busted. And it sucks. As all of a sudden, you’re just there again, with yourself. No beingness of the post. Maybe the group even pissed at you. And you’re just kind of there, you and the mirror. A little raw.

But I’m kind of scratching my head here. It doesn’t make any sense to me that you couldn’t handle that, that the Marty Rathbun I knew couldn’t take responsibility for what he did to get busted, and dig himself out the other side – as we all have to do, really, at one point or another.

It makes me wonder then, what was it I saw that looked so bright in years past? Was it fake or something? Or were you just being so buoyed by the group and the post and the daily production on a theta purpose line that it keyed out things that are now keyed back in?

I’ve heard things that sounded like you went a bit nuts while you were still on post. I did a recovery cycle on someone who had one of your ethics handlings. He was on OT 7 at the time. After your ethics handling he not only left staff, his marriage blew up, his life plummeted and he started drinking, and not in small amounts, every day, among other things. Not a great product Marty.

He told me later that the things you accuse DM of doing, those are exactly the kinds of things you were doing in his cycle. That it was you, not DM. And he was really pretty smashed by it.

I’m happy to say we did a great recovery cycle. He has been through his ethics handlings, and this guy actually did amazingly well at putting his ethics back in, once he had an on source ethics handling. He’s walked the long road back up and he’s now getting auditing at Flag. He’s purchased his retread of OT 6 and will get back on the level. Oh and he’s on the Basics, but more on that later. He tells me he has his life back.

Okay so I know the references on changing out Div 6 and other personnel who interface with non-Scientologists and government lines, as they go PTS very easily. And you were certainly dealing with many of the worst from your post.

Maybe one, or some of them got to you at a moment when you were already in your own lower condition and went a bit nuts and finally flipped all the way over. Could be.

I’ve known PTSness. I’ve been exposed to some of the same enemies of the group you were exposed to, at a time when I even felt very “wronged” by some people in the group. Not the people you feel “wronged” by, some others. But some of these guys, the real enemies, the ones who will tell you they want Scientology gone from the face of the planet, can be really good at weaving entheta generalities about the Church and Church executives around a person to enturbulate them. I know that. So maybe, on your post you just had so much of it, people really needed to make sure you stayed cleaned up, and that didn’t happen, and you finally took a dive.

I came close to that. Let’s say I saw the diving board. But I didn’t take the dive.

Since then I’ve gotten the clean up and auditing on it I needed. I did the PTS/SP Course. Yes, the Golden Age one. You know the Golden Age, the one you said was off source? But more on that later. I did the PTS/SP Course. It was my third time through. But now on the Golden Age, I really got it. I really got it. I spotted some things on my lines that were right there the whole time, right in front of my nose that I hadn’t been willing to confront. Things just started to resolve, entheta just started to blow off. It was clouds parting, I tell you.

Recently I had a review cycle where I corrected something else on the area of PTSness. Some little thing that had been hanging around, an out list.

And holy cow. I said afterwards that I felt like the guy on the cover of the PTS/SP Pack. It was just like that, like something that had been encasing me just blew apart and I was BACK, in full force. It was like taking that final step out of a cave and stepping into the sunlight.

I could tell you the incredible things that have happened since then. But you’re probably not interested, or will twist it anyway.

But okay so maybe you just finally went PTS to the entheta on the lines you were handling. I could have that.

But then, how far can you take this. I mean, really Marty? You can say with a straight face that some Anonymous people are your friends now? Really? You can say that the BBC reporter is a sane, good guy? Come on. You can’t really. Can you?

And look, I know some of the people in your group, and I know what you know about them. I know some of the things you had to handle with them earlier. These people are your buddies now? Instead of people like me?

Okay, so I think, maybe as he says he’s just really mad at the Church execs and thinks he could do a better job. Okay, maybe.

But wait a minute. You were at RTC, right? The organization entrusted with keeping standard tech standard? And knocking out incorrect application and squirrel technology? Okay so you really know the importance of standard. Right? And you’re saying that you can do a better job of it then the people currently on post in the Church.

Okay, so scratching my head again here. You’re auditing without an EXAMINER? Without a C/S? You have been on the senior tech lines on the planet, you have pcs in your group who smoke dope and it doesn’t occur to you that something might be out on their Drug Rundown?

Marty, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? Really.

How do you go from THERE – to HERE?

I just have to wonder. Do you ever look in the mirror while you’re brushing your teeth, or wake up in the morning and lay in bed for a few minutes before you get up, or grab a few moments when you’re driving down the road, and think, how the hell did I get from THERE, to HERE.

Because DM isn’t making you audit without an examiner or a C/S. He’s not making you hang out with guys who put scream masks on their faces and stand outside a Church hurling insults at its members. And he’s sure not making you run down L. Ron Hubbard looking like some crazy lunatic DB. That’s you that got you there.

I just can’t figure out how someone like you has fallen so far so fast, that’s all.

Okay so now the more part.

I finally got around to reading your doctrine, or whatever you call it, the points that you make on why what you are doing is honorable.

And all I can say is, are you out of your mind? If you’re going to attack a group, do you really want to attack the three points – the Basics, the Golden Age of Tech, and Ideal Orgs – that have united the group?

I mean, shouldn’t you attack something that is actually wrong?

Do you have any idea how many people have come out of their Basics courses saying “Jesus, I’ve been in Scientology 25 years and I feel like I am finally a real Scientologist.” I have. I feel more in comm with LRH than I ever have. When I read those books now, I feel like I am sitting in a room talking to the old man.

I went to the Shrine Auditorium a week ago for the New Year’s event. Remember when we used to have to close off areas of the auditorium because there weren’t enough people to fill the place? Well I got there at 6:30, half an hour before the event started, and I had to sit way off to the side because the place was packed to the gills. Half an hour before the event even started. Who would have thought.

The last event I went to before that was the IAS event. I went to it at the new Ideal Org in Pasadena, they were running it there and at Valley Org as well as the Shrine.

I wish you could have seen it. Really. I strolled in there twenty minutes early. I would have even been a little earlier except for the fact that the three public parking lots around the org were full from people streaming into this event. Their auditorium was completely filled up, as were the chairs and tables they had put outside the auditorium, spilling back to the reception area. So they had opened up their Div 6 Courseroom. Then that had filled up. So they opened up their Life Improvement Courseroom. When I got there – again twenty minutes before the event even started – I got the last two seats in the Life Improvement Courseroom. I managed to round up another chair so I could save seats for my two friends who were still parking their car. It was like fending off the Huns to try and save them.

By the time the event started the hallways outside the courserooms were filling up and people were having to clear areas so we didn’t have a fire hazard.

How awesome. I remember when I went to events at my Class V Org back in the late 70s and early 80s. They were 50 or 60 people on folding chairs under a cloud of cigarette smoke.

And wasn’t this what we always wanted, what we always dreamed of? To have orgs that reflected the real value of this technology?

I walked into LA Org a few weeks ago. I got a little choked up, thinking how much LRH would love that org today.

We still have a job to do. But on that note, the other day after dinner I laid down on my couch to relax for a bit before going back to my computer. I turned on Two and a Half Men. And watched an ad for my religion that knocked my socks off.

I went to course the other night at AO. I was a little pissed off as I was running late for roll call. The lot next to AO where I like to park was full. So I drove into the big lot. I had to drive up and down the rows to find a parking space. Finally saw someone pulling out and nabbed the spot. But it was like Christmas time at the mall.

As I was driving around, and seeing every space filled, I wanted to get pissed off, I wanted to complain, but all I could think was, how great is this? This is a whole new day for my Church.

So yeah, Marty, I don’t get it. You must have noticed by now that the things you have attacked DM for are turning out to be incredible. That they are keying people out, big time? And pulling our group together with a whole new level of strength? You have noticed that, right? Doesn’t it ever make you kind of want to go, oops?
I guess I’m going to stop pondering it. There are things wrong in this universe. And where you have landed is one of them.

But lucky for all of us, even you, the tech is there to resolve even messes like yours. And amazingly, there are even people in the Church today, I’m sure, who would work with you on your A to E. That’s something.

So I guess I just have to say, over to you. Maybe one day. Between now and then, try not to mess up too many more lives.

In the meantime, I’ve got some OT Levels to do. Real ones. At the organization that L. Ron Hubbard put there to deliver them. The ones that will actually make sure I get there. The way he says to get there, standardly!

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