If the Squirrels Complain – by LRH

The programs will follow . . .

“If the squirrels complain about a program, that’s the one to follow!”

L. Ron Hubbard

Extract from a paper on





The thing the squirrels most hate are the Ideal Orgs.  They find every out-of-context quote they can to explain why it should not be done, and to try justify their natter.

The reference below gives some of LRH’s thoughts on imposing buildings, and also on owning and using our own broadcasting facilities.  If you can’t manage the whole thing, at least read the bits I put in blue.

The links take you to articles about the new studios.







Excerpt from

Lecture – 28-Sep-1954



“Now the church also furnishes quarters for auditing, it furnishes offices for auditing.  It keeps the appointments.  And it does not, however, go so far as to always give you a preclear from your own district.  I want to get that real clear, so there’s no quarrel about that, doesn’t always give you — just because a preclear came in from your district is no reason why you’re necessarily going to get that preclear.  It’s going to try to do this, but, you know, after you’ve got about eighteen or twenty preclears from this particular district and you’re supposed to process them all in one week.  The Church might get the idea that you’re going to be a little bit tired processing eighty-nine hours of processing during that week.  You could say, “Well look at all the preclears I got from my district, I can lay off.

“Well, actually, what happens is there is a gross sum of money collected by the church, you see, every thirty days, and a certain percentage of that is handed out, per capita, to all the auditors who are working.  A small percentage, you see?  You get the idea?  In other words, if you produced eight-nine preclears from your area and you only got five to process, you would still be collecting a percentage from the remaining eighty-four preclears.  Something small.  But not because you procured them or anything.  You you just have that as a natural course of human events.  We see that clearly?

“Awfully commercial, isn’t it?  Awfully sordid.  How are we going to make this world brace up and stand to on such a thing, unless we have one of the things which is represented as power in this particular community, which is cash?  And unless an auditor is able to change his — oh I don’t know — have three or four beards to wear and a couple of Cadillacs to drive — unless an auditor himself can put on a sufficiently commanding appearance to the society as a whole, unless the organization occasionally, when it has a couple of dollars it doesn’t know what to do with, build a marble column — build a marble-column church covering eighteen or twenty square blocks, you know, for the kiddies, unless it can do this sort of thing, you are not going to get this job done at all.

“It’s alright to believe in sweetness and light.  The way sweetness and light comes into being is for anything that trips up sweetness and light to be completely dissuaded from operating! You got the idea?

“We have an organization called the AMA, and I do not mean the American Motorcycle Association, and it all of a sudden, it all of a sudden, decides that doctors are failing.  Let let me show you how this sort of thing words in a society.

“We’re actually working for a clear-cut goal.  If we were working for cash alone, this wouldn’t be worth doing.  And I wouldn’t be talking to you tonight.

“But the American Motorcycle Association’s copyist that has stolen its initials, the AMA, is capable of purchasing on TV a great deal of time by which to convince the public that medical doctors do not advertise.  Isn’t that wonderful.  We look at Scream toothpaste, and we see across the top of it, The American Medical Association laboratories pronounce Scream toothpaste a screamer!

“That actually appeared in one of the biggest magazines — not Scream, but the rest of it — The American Medical Association and so on.  Actually appeared in a national weekly here a few weeks ago.

“And yet medical doctors can’t advertise.  Oh, they do!

“They advertise all over the place!  What do you suppose it costs the AMA to get an article into Readers Digest every month?  Huh? Of course they don’t advertise, they just buy everybody up!

“And if you can’t buy a radio program — a TV show — if you can’t buy at least the first half of Readers Digest every other issue you’re not in control of your communication lines! And we have learned that the newspapers of the country would rather write all about what a dog you are, what a bum you are, than how many people you’ve made well.  So, there’s only one way that you could possibly get a wide open communication line, there’s several ways:  machine guns, though, are frowned on. (Laughter)  One way to get a wide open machine gunned line, without using machine guns is to shoot it open with dollar bills!

“KTAR might look at you rather palely, down here, on its TV program, if you went in and said, “Well, we want a program and we want a kid’s program and so forth, and you know, and we’re willing to pay you a little time.  Of course, we’ll have to have the time rather late in the evening because we can’t quite, you know, pay for the cream time.  We can’t go into competition with Jack Benny or something.  And we only want fifteen minutes.

“And they say, the program director says, “Well, we don’t know about that stuff.  And we have a release here from the American Spoodledorf Association that says it is very bad for Spoodledorfs.  And we don’t think we want the program.

“What do you do in a case like that?  Go hide your head?

“We’ve had it happen to us already.  No, for heaven sakes, at least buy the radar station or the radio station or something.  For heaven sakes, do that.  Be effective.  Be efficient.  See, fire the program director and put in one who will accept the program and then run it twenty-four hours a day — Scientology. (Laughter)

“And then the two other programs in the town are getting in your road, do you see, I mean, they’re putting on guys like Red Skelton and things like that and advertising Geritol or something and well, buy them up and cut them off the air!  If they won’t listen to your program, I mean, let’s be effective.  (laughs)

“No, I’m joking now.  Well when I tell you, that the — I wish I weren’t.  (laughing)  Here, let us say, if this were Chicago and we were talking amongst ourselves as how we’re going to succeed along this particular line, we would have to take into consideration the idea that there are a great many Chicago radio stations and TV stations, which are pouring out an awful lot of material without even mentioning us.  Wouldn’t we, if we were talking about this in Chicago?  And part of our program would be: How many preclears have we got to publish in order to buy the central TV station of the town?  See?  We’d be being effective, wouldn’t we?

“Well, of course, I know that a lot of guys have these things above their acceptance level.  But if we’re going to be effective, let’s be effective.  Let’s start playing — let’s start playing with it, and get action.  And the way we do that, if you want preclears, the thing for you to do, is to go out and procure preclears.  And process them.  That’s true, isn’t it?  I mean, if you want them, you’ve got to go get them.”

“And if you’re going to help the rest of the world, the rest of the world is going to help you, too.  And in that way, it will succeed.  And if it doesn’t — isn’t done that way, it doesn’t succeed.

“Now I may have sounded terribly commercial to you, talking to you like this.  It’s very, very easy to agree with the material universe and say, “Well, you have to HAVE before you can DO.”

“Well, unfortunately, you are treating people who have to HAVE before they can DO, and unless you duplicate a little bit, you’ll never get there.  You see how this is?

“Unless they can look out and see solvent individuals and well-represented buildings — representative buildings, and other things, unless they can see these things, they don’t think much of the organization.

“Unless you can command a communication line, you won’t get anyplace.  And the way to command a communication line today is — just as crudely as that, buy yourself a radar — a radio station. That’s easy!  Buy a couple of TV stations!…”

“How would you go about doing that?  Well, simply, the simpliest thing in the world.”