Mark Rathbun’s Squirrel Center

Your Withholds are In Good Hands

Yes, it is true.  To all persons who are out-ethics, critical, motivatorish or otherwise have an axe to grind, this is the haven you have been looking for.

At Marty’s Squirrel Center, our motto is “Your withholds are in good hands.”  Whatever overts and withholds you may have are safe with me—not because I will keep them secure, but because I won’t even ask for them in the first place!

Yes, us good old folks here have an ironclad guarantee:  Under no circumstances will you ever be asked for an overt, withhold or destructive intention.

You are welcome here regardless of how critical you may be of Scientology, the Church, Scientologists and even LRH.

No natter is too great.

No anti-Scientology slander is too vile.

No matter how outrageous you may feel your motivators and criticisms may be, I will listen and will tell you that you have an F/N.  And I will congratulate you on “expanding as a being.”

Our prices are very reasonable.  In fact, I don’t even publish them. I instead ask for whatever you are willing to pay, as that way I can position myself as being kind and generous and hook people who feel sympathetic toward me.

You must pay cash up front. This is a must, as once you find out the actual quality of my auditing you may not want to pay more.

I will be honest with you at the outset: If you choose to get services at my Squirrel Center, you will be banned from the OT levels forever by the Church.  But, you will be welcome at my barbecues and can even go riding in a canoe.  I’d say that’s a pretty good trade off.

I’m sorry but I do not give refunds. When you aren’t trained, don’t follow HCOBs and cannot read an E-Meter, you cannot afford to have such a policy. If I did the Center would go broke immediately.  I’m sure you understand.

I look forward to seeing you at Marty’s Squirrel Center, where we are always “movin’ on down a little lower.”

“I have been involved in spreading out tech practices.  If anyone continues to do these practices and picked up the habit from me, recognize I am admitting these actions were squirrel and you won’t find any justification for them in standard tech.” –  Marty Rathbun

“A squirrel is a person who’s going around looking for nuts that are foolish enough to let him process them.”
L. RON HUBBARD , Lecture 6 Apr 1959