Shaking in the Shack by Mardy Rathbun

I admit I have been giving LRH, Scientology and COB a bit of a beating over the past year.  I’ve instigated and assisted major media attacks on all three of these and done my damndest to cause as much trouble for them as I can.

However, the fact that the Church and OSA take offense at what I have done, is ridiculous.  For a start, they deserved to be embarrassed and exposed.  In fact, they deserve far worse than I am capable of giving them.  They only thing that is even faintly bad about what I have done is that LRH has suffered collateral damage.  But so what?  He screwed up too, plus he himself says that people can’t hurt him, plus any damage caused to LRH has been COB’s fault.  If COB didn’t exist I would not have had to drag LRH into this.  It is as simple as that.

What is however very noteworthy and important is that OSA and COB are going way over the top and are now attacking me personally.

You’ve probably heard about the big brouhaha that occurred yesterday at Cashablanka.

A team of helmet/squirrel-cam wearing jackbooted thugs showed up at my peaceful Standard Tech Spa – the only place in the world where real STANDARD Scientology is being delivered – and disrupted the delivery of real auditing by the world’s finest auditor.  Now that is serious!  It’s a High Crime in fact.

That was a very bad thing of them to do – absolutely unforgivable.  They upset my theta, caused bad PR for Scientology, violated my space, and upset dozens of my readers who are utterly inflamed at this outrage.   The timing of their attack was crucial, disrupting one of the most important pc’s to have ever defected.

I don’t care what provocation they think they may have had, what OSA and COB did there was completely and utterly unacceptable, and I will be seeing them in court to seek remedies.

Who the hell do they think they are? What right do they have to demand that I prove that I am applying standard tech?  What right do they have to question me, or insinuate anything about me!?  Where do they get off parading around my neighborhood and causing a disturbance!?  Their tactics were Gestapo like, as has been commented by several squirrels on my site.

That said, they were pretty funny.  After the fact I realized that if I hadn’t been so shaken and scared by the whole thing, it would have been quite a laugh.  I could have dealt with them with some humor.  Next time.

COB and OSA really don’t know how to shake someone up.  I’m not afraid of anything as I keep on saying, and I’m not afraid to die.  But funny shit I don’t know how to deal with.  That scares me.

But did you see how I cleverly asked them their names? When you’ve developed the legal savvy that I have, you know what will stand up in a court of law and what won’t. Prosecutors and Judges and Police LOVE stuff like getting people’s names. That’s the legal system’s way of “keepin’ it real.” That way, when they ask, I can say “Yes, your honor I did steal John Allender’s microphone.” Judges love specific legal shit like that.

Who were these guys to violate my sanctum sanctorum? (That’s Latin for an “inviolable private place.” During breaks in auditing, I like to study foreign languages to keep my mind razor-sharp. I’ve already duplicated the tech, so I don’t really need to study any more of that. Besides, Chiquita and I plan a visit to Latin America in a couple of months, and it will come in handy being able to parlay the lingo, so to speak.)

COB and OSA really are not very good.  Now if they had me working for them handling the problem of me, then you would see how it would be done.  And let me tell you, I would take no shit from me – not one iota. I’d bitchslap myself, stuff my head right up my rectum and then clamp down with my sphinctum right there in my sanctorum.  Next time.

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah – so I’m cool and collected enough to know that “when confronted with the unusual, do the usual.” So, since I usually shoulder-bump people who come to my door as a way of saying “Hi, whassup?” I gave the one guy a friendly shoulder-bump.

I know you’re dying of suspense, so yeah, there’s a video of the whole encounter, in fact there are TWO of them. The one I took I posted somewhere else, but here on this site I wanted to post the one that these “squirrel busters” took because this way you can see ME, and how cool and collected I am when all others around me are losing their heads. (and microphones, lol.)

Oh, and by the way, I had every RIGHT to steal that mic because…uh, well, he ASSAULTED me with that mic. Yeah, that’s it, he assaulted me. Assault with a deadly microphone. So it was just self-defense. Plus I have other reasons too for stealing it that I won’t divulge until I am standing in front of 12 Supreme Court Judges demanding justice be done and that these squirrel busters be silenced forever for their total affront on the constitutionally guaranteed right to squirrel.

You might have thought I was using my camera as a kind of “via”  – you know, something I could look at and pretend to be really into while I figured out how to handle this whole thing, what to say, what to do. I sure as hell couldn’t let them see my PC folders (there are drawings and doodles in there I don’t want ANYONE to see.) And I couldn’t let them see my meter. Damn, if they saw that, they’d probably find some way to cancel the certs I never actually got, technically speaking.

And I just wanted to give a shout out to those of you who already know about this irremediable atrocity and have offered me money for legal defense. I appreciated it more than you could know. But I really don’t need your donations, and humbly decline. No need to send money. I’ve already said that to a couple of people, but they tried to insist, but still I declined. I’ve been around this block before, and your money is not really needed, but thank you from the bottom of my heart. I can go this ordeal alone without your contributions, and will make it somehow. But still, no matter how I humbly declined, several people insisted on sending me donations anyway and I just couldn’t stop them. What can I say? Thank you most humbly and obsequiously. You are the salt of the earth. If you find you feel the same way, no matter how much I say I don’t want the money, and there’s no way I can stop you, well, you know my Paypal account info.

Finally, DO NOT make the mistake of thinking that when I thought of DM just before yanking out the guy’s mic that it was a List One R/S. Just don’t even think it. The technical fact is that DM is NOT EVEN ON List One. In fact, DM wasn’t even AROUND when Mayo wrote List One. So, don’t go there, girlfriend. That Rockslam had NOTHING TO DO with List One, got it?

As soon as I can get a copy of the video I will post it for you all to see.

My apologies if this posting seems a bit disjointed.  I just had my cage rattled and I’m a bit shook up and my thoughts are churning kind of thing,  but you should all know that I plan to carry on squirreling regardless and I count on your continued support.